I honestly don't know which is harder

listening to my head knowing full well my heart is going to pay a price

listening to my heart and ignoring that voice in my head that says "this isn't right, it shouldn't be this hard, this isn't meant to be, move on etc etc etc" (shut up will you!) and then 6 years, 6 months, 6 weeks, 6 days later (hypothetically of course) i finally admit to myself that my head was right (again) and my heart is going to hurt, but not compared to how badly my mind and my character and my soul would ache for ignoring it a second, third or...fourth time

learning from the past to be able to make these decisions easier or faster or. sigh. at all.

realizing i've grown up even the smallest bit since college, since grad school, since last fall, since...last week